There is always a time to speak up, to insert your opinion or defend what is just. There is a time to communicate, to make connections and share your story. But it’s not every time.
Most interpret silence in a loud room to be a weakness but as a person who once spoke only loudly I’ve found the strength in being silent. Instead this past year I’ve learned to talk less and listen more. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a Portuguese woman who loves to communicate but I’ve found in standing back, disengaging from the crowd and observing I’ve learned how often, if you listen, people will tell you exactly who they are, even if they don’t realize they are even doing it.
There may be false words such as “this isn’t about me, it’s for the good of..” and then as time goes on you may see their true vanity in the way they verbalize their physical insecurities and the way they only want things done their way. Then you will find it’s actually about them and now no amount of denying will fool you again. I can’t even say how many times someone had said they are easy and go with the flow but they are anything but. By standing back and watching and listening I can see their body language and it’s amazing how if you actually look and listen how many people are actually very poorly concealing their true selves or motives. It may come out as a nervous laugh or nervous confession but I’ve learned people really do tell you just who they are if you listen.
I’ve learned in turn that if I watch my words and hold my tongue more often than not I not only will avoid putting my foot in my mouth but I’ve learned the importance of keeping some things secret. My plans, goals and dreams aren’t everyone’s business and an embarrassing moment doesn’t necessarily need to be shared in order to make a joke. I used to constantly overshare and more often than not I would realize it, try to correct and end up embarrassing myself even more.
Then there is of course times when you need a silent retreat from the world and need to gather yourself together. I work so often with clients and interact with people through my phone and social media. Taking time to for your mental health and some rest for your soul is more critical than I think we realize. I’m fairly decent at remembering self care but there are still times when life gets so busy that I forgot to take those moments that bring me strength and solace in a fast and loud world.
I finally took a long awaited honeymoon with my husband this November. It was our first vacation after we got married and we were so excited for it, after all it only took three years after our wedding. We booked an Airbnb next to a river in Arkansas and I was in love. But most of all, my phone was silent and off most of the time and I had nothing or nobody I had to work on or with. Even still, it took me a couple of days to completely decompress. Although we did do other things and go elsewhere the silence on the river during beautiful autumn weather was completely healing and I realized how important silence can be.
I used to be so scared of it, afraid of awkward silences or feeling alone but in silence I’ve rediscovered myself, no longer afraid of being alone because I’m simply not lonely. I’ve found so much power and resilience in the silence around me or simply being silent myself. I’ve realized that I am a fortress of a person, with ideas and innovation waiting to come out and talents and skills to share with the world. When that world becomes too much I will always have silence to retreat to and build myself back up again, coming back, rejuvenated and ready for more.